Silas Jones
Misunderstandings...
Okay.
So my teacher assigns me this . . . this essay, I guess you’d call it. Whatever.
Anyhow. I go to the library. Gotta look up some stuff about this guy, this “fountain father,” she said.
Now, I don’t know about your library, but my library is the pits. I mean, I looked and looked. Couldn’t find nothing about no fountain fathers at all. Not the one she told me about, not any other ones, neither. So what am I supposed to do?
Gary, he tells me I should just make up stuff. How’s she gonna know any different? I mean, if there’s nothing in the library about this guy, nothing in the encyclopedia, even, how’s she gonna check whether it’s made up stuff or not?
So, here’s what I wrote:
Silas Jones, Our Fountain Father
Silas Jones lived a long time ago. A really, really long time. A long time before they had computers, even.
Anyway, Silas Jones, he moved to our town when there was not even any water in the downtown. So, he thought that was a bad thing. So, Silas, he was a good old boy and he wanted to do something nice for the town. And he thought and thought, but he couldn’t think of nothing.
So one day, Silas Jones got married. And then his wife had a baby. So, Silas, well, that made him a father.
And so one day when it was hot, Silas was walking through City Park, and it was hot, and he sat down on one of the benches to rest. And it was so hot, Silas thought it would be nice if there was a fountain in the park where he could get a drink of water.
So, Silas, he decided to make a fountain in the park. So he gets pipes and a fountain and handles and all and puts them all together and makes a fountain.
So he takes a drink from it and tells everybody they can come drink water from the fountain he made.
Me and my brother Gary, we were in the park last week and we both drank from the fountain there in the park, but we didn’t know at the time that it was made by the fountain father, Silas Jones. But the water was good.
So the teacher, she gives me an F. I mean, if she wanted a essay about some dude that built a “founding” and was a father, she shoulda made it more clear, right?
And, what’s a “founding” anyway?